He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
