Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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