sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm too high and old for this...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
