I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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