she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
