tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
