Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
