My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
