That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
