I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
