she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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