Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
and you fell through a lawn chair
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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