Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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