Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
