FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
