addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
