You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
