I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
