I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
