I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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