Well apparently he's into motor boating.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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