I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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