JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
