I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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