I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
