he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
