Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
