i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
