I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
