Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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