I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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