I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
