i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
