I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
