Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
