I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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