Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
