I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
