I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
