after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
