I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
