Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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