i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
