I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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