Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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