farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you win again, gameday.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize