I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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