Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
