did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
