I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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