I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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