Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
