I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
