I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just had sex bonerless
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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