sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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