So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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