Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
