he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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