And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
