nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
