i need an iv and a liver transplant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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