You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
