all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize