Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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