One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
