dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
