i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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