I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
