Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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