And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
