Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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