Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
