I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
