a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
