I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
