She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
