mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
